These past few months have taught me a lot. I have learnt that unrequited love is painful. I have also learnt that unrequited love teaches you to be stronger, to examine your motives and make your heart purer, to purge selfishness from your system and feel weak to the point of exhaustion. It also teaches you to recognize it in others, when they feel that way towards you, so you are able to be firm, and harshly kind without cruelty.
I wonder how God feels? My waywardness must surely drive him nuts. I wonder , with fear and trepidation, what will happen should he decide to unleash his fury. I tremble to imagine such power directed in opposition towards me. I know because I exprienced this very feeling a few weeks ago when it rained. At 2.35AM no less, thunder roared, winds thrashed and rain fell, heavily ,relentlessly on my roof. I think the roof leaked at some point. Lightening flashed over and over in symphony with the thunder, and I lost sleep. My wayward spirit was afraid, my sinful heart was terrified, and I wondered about God and how judgement shall be terrible.
How can a young man stay pure? Is the incessant question in my head. Alas, my wicked heart has already forgotten what it is lik eto be afraid!
sober thots,
sober thinking,
super thinking.